Xucklenkab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, sapient spider.

Xucklenkab created gold four billion years ago.

If you believe in Xucklenkab, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Xucklenkab, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Xucklenkab's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Xucklenkab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Do not jump in public.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not eat cherries.

5. Never bounce in the presence of eagles.