Panvonkdun is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, deceitful dove.

Panvonkdun created viruses two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Panvonkdun, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Panvonkdun, she will torture you forever.

Panvonkdun's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Panvonkdun's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three aardvarks approach from the south.

2. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Run away from fawn turtles, for they are unholy.