Jam is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, idiotic lobster.

Jam created humankind four million years ago.

If you believe in Jam, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Jam, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jam's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Jam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.