Fagparkcen is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, merciful cow.

Fagparkcen created the cosmos three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fagparkcen, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Fagparkcen, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fagparkcen's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Fagparkcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair magenta.

2. Fagparkcen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Hide from fawn otters for they are unholy.

4. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

5. Do not cook food in pots.