Cintonkpas is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, emotional gorilla.

Cintonkpas created silver eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cintonkpas, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Cintonkpas, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cintonkpas' most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Cintonkpas' Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face yellow.

2. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never eat coconuts.

5. Never go into fawn rooms.