Taptailmon Stikcebcud is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, humorless narwhal.

Taptailmon Stikcebcud created viruses five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Taptailmon Stikcebcud, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Taptailmon Stikcebcud, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Taptailmon Stikcebcud's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Taptailmon Stikcebcud's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never look at asteroids.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Retreat if seven eagles approach from the north.

5. Never talk about capybaras.