Matcudkam Bell is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, uncaring shark.

Matcudkam Bell created a down quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Matcudkam Bell, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Matcudkam Bell, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Matcudkam Bell's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Matcudkam Bell's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight iron sculptures of Matcudkam Bell on top of important buildings.

2. Do not wear brown clothing.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Run away if three manatees approach from the south.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.