Hapyarpcit is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, stupid armadillo.

Hapyarpcit created the cosmos eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapyarpcit, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hapyarpcit, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Hapyarpcit's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Hapyarpcit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not hurt dolphins.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Hapyarpcit.