Flaprotvon is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, self-assured narwhal.

Flaprotvon created the Whirlpool Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Flaprotvon, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Flaprotvon, she will turn you into a rat.

Flaprotvon's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Flaprotvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.