Somfutwon is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, passionate tortoise.

Somfutwon created dark energy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Somfutwon, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Somfutwon, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Somfutwon's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Somfutwon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Worship no other gods but Somfutwon.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not cook food in pots.