Gabyastneg is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, generous swan.

Gabyastneg created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabyastneg, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gabyastneg, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gabyastneg's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gabyastneg's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine tin sculptures of Gabyastneg on top of important buildings.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. Do not speak about peanuts.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never look in ponds.