Japtonkfat Godganpaspandutjipcum Ditbepfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, omniscient crab.

Japtonkfat Godganpaspandutjipcum Ditbepfarn created everything that exists nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Japtonkfat Godganpaspandutjipcum Ditbepfarn, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Japtonkfat Godganpaspandutjipcum Ditbepfarn, he will be very sad.

Japtonkfat Godganpaspandutjipcum Ditbepfarn's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Japtonkfat Godganpaspandutjipcum Ditbepfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peanuts to eagles while wearing white stockings.

2. Always make sure there are no pigs in a room before entering it.

3. Always help tapirs.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never talk about galaxies.