Kophonmis Quamfomhin is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, irritating mole.

Kophonmis Quamfomhin created an electron five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kophonmis Quamfomhin, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kophonmis Quamfomhin, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kophonmis Quamfomhin's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Kophonmis Quamfomhin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear silicon on your body.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. You must love Kophonmis Quamfomhin.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.