Yakmatzast is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, irritating porpoise.

Yakmatzast created tapeworms nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yakmatzast, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yakmatzast, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Yakmatzast's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Yakmatzast's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Always look after injured ants.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Yakmatzast.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Yakmatzast.