Joparfspag Yarlfidlam is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, vain gnu.

Joparfspag Yarlfidlam created the planet Earth two years ago.

If you believe in Joparfspag Yarlfidlam, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Joparfspag Yarlfidlam, it will turn you into a dog.

Joparfspag Yarlfidlam's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Joparfspag Yarlfidlam's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention seals.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

3. Put Joparfspag Yarlfidlam first in all things.

4. Do not hurt pigs.

5. Do not drink water in red rooms.