Kinpantab is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, omniscient narwhal.

Kinpantab created life two billion years ago.

If you believe in Kinpantab, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kinpantab, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Kinpantab's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Kinpantab's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not take Kinpantab's name in vain.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Hide from turquoise snakes for they are unholy.

5. Respect your elders.