Monmonquat is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, competent newt.

Monmonquat created Africa seven million years ago.

If you believe in Monmonquat, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Monmonquat, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Monmonquat's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Monmonquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never feed cucumbers to manatees while wearing black dresses.

3. Never wear stockings.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not dye your hair gray.