Hatbifmum is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, weak parrot.

Hatbifmum created water four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatbifmum, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hatbifmum, it will turn you into a goat.

Hatbifmum's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Hatbifmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured porpoises.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not dye your hair purple.