Vonktifcamnatlop is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unfair coyote.

Vonktifcamnatlop created the planet Earth five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonktifcamnatlop, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vonktifcamnatlop, she will have a low opinion of you.

Vonktifcamnatlop's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Vonktifcamnatlop's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Vonktifcamnatlop's priests.

2. Hide if four dogs approach from the west.

3. Hide from fawn whales for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.