Hamgenrul is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, strong scorpion.

Hamgenrul created dark energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamgenrul, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hamgenrul, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Hamgenrul's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Hamgenrul's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in holy places.

2. Do not speak about apples.

3. Never hurt sharks.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. You must pray to Hamgenrul nine times a day.