Tailbiffud is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, able pig.

Tailbiffud created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Tailbiffud, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tailbiffud, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tailbiffud's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Tailbiffud's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Never eat beans.

3. Do not hurt great tits.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not cook food in pots.