Bafjenfob is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, sage tortoise.

Bafjenfob created dark matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bafjenfob, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bafjenfob, he will destroy your home solar system.

Bafjenfob's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Bafjenfob's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large gold sculpture of Bafjenfob on top of all buildings.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. Never bounce near goats.