Laptonrig is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, slow monkey.

Laptonrig created an electron nine million years ago.

If you believe in Laptonrig, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Laptonrig, she will turn you into a goat.

Laptonrig's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Laptonrig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Laptonrig.

3. Hide if nine cats approach from the east.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Worship no other gods but Laptonrig.