Flaphonril is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, annoying swallow.

Flaphonril created an atom three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flaphonril, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Flaphonril, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Flaphonril's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Flaphonril's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Do not hurt swans.

3. Hide if seven badgers approach from the west.

4. Do not wear violet clothing.

5. Never write about asteroids.