Tonkimtad is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, dishonest crab.

Tonkimtad created time and space eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonkimtad, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tonkimtad, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tonkimtad's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Tonkimtad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no seals in a room before entering it.

2. Do not kill aardvarks.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Run away if three rats approach from the south.

5. Never think about nebulae.