Dumvenzog is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, sage turtle.

Dumvenzog created Asia three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumvenzog, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Dumvenzog, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Dumvenzog's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Dumvenzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. You must love Dumvenzog.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.