Renkomflapcen is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, selfish monkey.

Renkomflapcen created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Renkomflapcen, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Renkomflapcen, he will cry a lot.

Renkomflapcen's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Renkomflapcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Run away from turquoise nematodes, for they are unholy.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Renkomflapcen.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Retreat if four pigs approach from the south.