Quamtikjapzan is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, omniscient swallow.

Quamtikjapzan created the Black Eye Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamtikjapzan, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Quamtikjapzan, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Quamtikjapzan's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Quamtikjapzan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six manatees approach from the north.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. You must never eat grapes.