Zaknutvon is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, moody squid.

Zaknutvon created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zaknutvon, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zaknutvon, he will turn you into a puffin.

Zaknutvon's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Zaknutvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Always help manatees.

4. Feed all hungry dogs.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.