Ortortxuck is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, annoying tapir.

Ortortxuck created snails four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortortxuck, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ortortxuck, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Ortortxuck's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Ortortxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never mention tortoises.

3. Always look after injured capybaras.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.