Kikkenbem is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fussy frog.

Kikkenbem created the cosmos nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kikkenbem, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kikkenbem, she will turn you into a duck.

Kikkenbem's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Kikkenbem's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from magenta dogs, for they are unholy.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. You must pray to Kikkenbem seven times a day.