Gesstunnarl Sogdanhen is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, caring monkey.

Gesstunnarl Sogdanhen created light four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesstunnarl Sogdanhen, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gesstunnarl Sogdanhen, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Gesstunnarl Sogdanhen's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Gesstunnarl Sogdanhen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about bread.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Hide if seven otters approach from the east.

5. Never think ill of sick nematodes.