Tarpjigxem is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, humorless elephant.

Tarpjigxem created the Tadpole Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpjigxem, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tarpjigxem, he will turn you into a hamster.

Tarpjigxem's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Tarpjigxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not shave your arms.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.