Bappongat is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, emotional hyena.

Bappongat created Europe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bappongat, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bappongat, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Bappongat's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Bappongat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

2. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

3. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

4. Hide if six pigs approach from the west.

5. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.