Vanveenfod is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, bad-tempered beaver.

Vanveenfod created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanveenfod, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Vanveenfod, she will throw large rocks at you.

Vanveenfod's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Vanveenfod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt geese.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. You must pray to Vanveenfod three times a day.

4. Never sing in the presence of tortoises.

5. Always take life seriously.