Staftonkmil is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, unselfish crocodile.

Staftonkmil created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Staftonkmil, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Staftonkmil, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Staftonkmil's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Staftonkmil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.