Tonnartstig is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, quiet meerkat.

Tonnartstig created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonnartstig, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tonnartstig, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tonnartstig's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Tonnartstig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Respect your elders.