Cubyarpdub Kemlakfas is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unjust scorpion.

Cubyarpdub Kemlakfas created the cosmos four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cubyarpdub Kemlakfas, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Cubyarpdub Kemlakfas, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Cubyarpdub Kemlakfas' most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Cubyarpdub Kemlakfas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not run in public.

2. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

3. Do not drink water in red rooms.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always treat monkeys with great respect.