Gatfattaf is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, self-assured chinchilla.

Gatfattaf created humankind three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatfattaf, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gatfattaf, it will torture you forever.

Gatfattaf's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Gatfattaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

2. Never mention sharks.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Ducks are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Put Gatfattaf first in all things.