Zimfemdinquaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, blissful octopus.

Zimfemdinquaf created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zimfemdinquaf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zimfemdinquaf, he will not care.

Zimfemdinquaf's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Zimfemdinquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Zimfemdinquaf.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zimfemdinquaf.

4. You must love Zimfemdinquaf.

5. Do not covet oxen.