Bemtikkam is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, humorless jaguar.

Bemtikkam created humanity two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemtikkam, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bemtikkam, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bemtikkam's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Bemtikkam's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Never think about nebulae.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Hide from violet squirrels for they are unholy.

5. Never think ill of sick birds.