Nelgonnell is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, almighty gerbil.

Nelgonnell created light eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nelgonnell, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Nelgonnell, he will ignore you.

Nelgonnell's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Nelgonnell's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat great tits with great respect.

2. Never wear corsets.

3. Always look after injured moths.

4. You must never eat garlic.

5. Never wear green ear rings.