Bastgabtalkam Yarplamtetti is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, humorless fairy.

Bastgabtalkam Yarplamtetti created an atom eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastgabtalkam Yarplamtetti, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bastgabtalkam Yarplamtetti, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bastgabtalkam Yarplamtetti's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Bastgabtalkam Yarplamtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Feed all hungry badgers.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.