Hitveenlin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, ruthless centipede.

Hitveenlin created dark energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitveenlin, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hitveenlin, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Hitveenlin's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Hitveenlin's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Hitveenlin.

2. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

3. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never feed turnips to pigs while wearing blue boots.