Futpakril is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, almighty faun.

Futpakril created a bottom quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Futpakril, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Futpakril, he will jump up and down on your head.

Futpakril's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Futpakril's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not eat gooseberries.

3. Do not speak about limes.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never wear scarves.