Gofstanjenbim is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, awe-inspiring rat.

Gofstanjenbim created viruses four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gofstanjenbim, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gofstanjenbim, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gofstanjenbim's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Gofstanjenbim's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gofstanjenbim.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.