Guttonkpit is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, competent jaguar.

Guttonkpit created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Guttonkpit, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Guttonkpit, she will turn you into a worm.

Guttonkpit's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Guttonkpit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Guttonkpit loves sharks, so they must be honoured.

4. You must love Guttonkpit.

5. Fast once a month.