Dutpagmin Flagsafmon is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, prudent walrus.

Dutpagmin Flagsafmon created the Sombrero Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Dutpagmin Flagsafmon, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Dutpagmin Flagsafmon, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Dutpagmin Flagsafmon's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Dutpagmin Flagsafmon's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not bounce in public.