Batvolcin is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, bad-tempered hedgehog.

Batvolcin created light seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batvolcin, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Batvolcin, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Batvolcin's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Batvolcin's Holy Commandments

1. Batvolcin must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not eat melons.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Do not run in public.

5. Never think about gravity.