Futfomtan is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, able bird.

Futfomtan created tapeworms two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futfomtan, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Futfomtan, it will turn you into a duck.

Futfomtan's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Futfomtan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Futfomtan.

3. Never mention otters.

4. Never feed turnips to monkeys while wearing mauve shirts.

5. Run away if six horses approach from the east.